Drinking in moderation has been going all right. Not fantastic.
I’m going to forgive myself, because I see this October as a “getting it out of my system” month. Like some heartbroken people have as many affairs as possible following a breakup, I’ve tried as many beers and wines as possible following my year of sobriety. Particularly the old “lovers” I’ve missed, including:
- Woodchuck Fall Cider, which tastes the way Fall in New England smells.
- Shipyard Pumpkinhead (with the cinnamon and sugar rim, of course).
- Stone’s Enjoy By (specifically the 10.31.16, which had a slight tangerine flavor).
- All the IPAs (all of them).
- Switchback Ale
- Beer Works Bluebeery Ale and Wachusett Blueberry Ale
- Not Your Father’s Root Beer
- Sam Adams Wintah Lagah dood
- Campo Viejo Rioja Reserva wine
- Domaine Paul Autard Cotes du Rhone wine
Most of the time I was able to maintain moderation, but a couple of times I may have taken it too far. This led me not necessarily to a hangover state but rather a depressive state for the two days following my drinking more heavily. I really, really hate this feeling.
I now realize that my limit is about two drinks at any given time.
Those couple of times I tried to chase that happy, relaxed feeling I get after having a couple of drinks. I love that feeling so, so much. I always wonder, “Why can’t they put this feeling in a pill?” It makes me feel oddly functional and my best self. Lately I haven’t been as motivated to clean, yet after a couple of drinks this Sunday I was singing and bee-bopping to music while scrubbing my toilet, happy as a clam. This is what alcohol does to me.
But I stuck to a glass of wine and one beer. Enjoy the feeling. Don’t chase it.
A family member in AA and NA sent me a one year sobriety keychain in the mail at the beginning of the month. It meant the world. I spoke with this person about my sobriety journey and he thought I never really had a serious problem with alcohol. It never caused chaos in my life like it did in his. I never lost jobs, my license, relationships, etc. That made me feel somewhat reassured.