What makes it harder is having started a new job and feeling really nervous about the whole transition. I suffer from anxiety/depression, and for the past couple of months my anxiety/depression has tried to convince me that I’m in over my head, I don’t know this industry and won’t ever know it, I will fail at this job, and my life/finances will be ruined.
The fact is, things are finally going really well in my life (better than they ever have) and my anxiety/depression is telling me that things never go this well and it’s not going to last. It can’t last. I’m bound to lose it all. I am really, really freaking out about it. I feel particularly anxious in the evenings and would LOVE to drown my feelings with alcohol.
That’s my real problem with alcohol: I’ve used it to drown my feelings. I like drowning my feelings, because my feelings suck and they bring me down. But I’m starting to realize that some feelings are normal. It’s okay to feel nervous about a new job. It’s okay to worry if I will measure up. Those are feelings that will help me strive to become better.
I just need to find a better balance with my feelings. To recognize the healthy and unhealthy ones. And to combat the unhealthy ones in healthy ways (not with alcohol!).
This became longer than I wanted it to be. Maybe you can relate. If so, I’m thinking about you and praying for you. This shit is hard.