Female Things

I wish the media would stop treating me and my vagina like we’re in elementary school.


The NFL just implemented a new bag policy at stadiums that requires people to downsize and fit all of their belongings into a clear plastic or vinyl bag. The policy is no doubt inspired by the Boston Marathon bombings, and is immediately going into effect at the home of the New England Patriots, Gillette Stadium.

Now that the NFL is kicking it TSA-style, Gillette Stadium is selling clear vinyl bags to accommodate (and make more money off of) game-goers. NECN reporter Jackie Bruno worries that the new policy will present a problem for ladies carrying “female things” into the stadium (Watch the video from 1:05 to 1:20 because NECN videos are lame and won’t embed in WordPress).

Err ner werr werl er pert mer termperns?!?!

It’s 2013 and the majority of us aren’t in elementary school. I’m not embarrassed to be caught carrying “female things” at a football stadium. What’s the worst that could happen?

Drunk Dude at Gillette Stadium: Hey bros! Look at how many tampons that chick has! BAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Typical Lady: (Rolls eyes and removes herself from the situation as fast as possible)

Me: (Proudly holds up bag with tampons and laughs with bros; weird camaraderie ensues)

Why can’t we address this subject on TV? Because the kids are watching? Come on. They’re going to find out what tampons and pads are eventually. If my kid asked me what that stuff was, I’d just tell them. Then they’d tell all their friends at school and I’d be Coolest/Worst Mom of the Year- depending on your viewpoint.

I grew up with stupid tampon commercials that used blue fluid and insisted that I “Have a Happy Period.” The following 1980s Tampax commercial refers to the period as “the hassle you don’t talk about.”

Typical of the tampon commercials I grew up with- which created a generation of women who were embarrassed about their bodies and what their bodies do.

If I was in the tampon marketing business in the 80s and 90s, I would have created a commercial where tampons and pads were dancing around to “I’m Every Woman” by Whitney Houston.

So much missed potential. That’s beside the point.

Just address the topic. Stop contributing to women being embarrassed about their bodies and what their bodies naturally do. Menstruation, a word I can’t even pronounce correctly (Men-u-stru-a- ahhh forget it),  is no longer a forbidden topic.  In this day and age, it’s usually a celebratory topic (Yayyyy you’re not pregnant!) And it’s kind of a funny topic.

That’s what the folks at Hello Flo figured out.

Have you heard of Santa for your vagina? It’s awesome. If you’re easily offended by the word vagina or the topic of periods, a. grow up, b.  join this century, and c. don’t watch this video. Otherwise, enjoy this masterpiece of marketing:

Hopefully commercials like this one will help foster a generation of kick-ass women who aren’t ashamed of their bodies and find the humor in what is a natural process.

This blog was inspired by NPR’s Tampon Marketing Gets Real For the Social Media Age and the media catering to stupid people who are embarrassed to carry tampons.


4 thoughts on “Female Things”

  1. I love, love, LOVE THIS! And it’s exactly right too. I mean, seriously, we have been lulled into this sense that everything related to the human body is bad. I blame porn for it all. If it weren’t for porn, maybe regular bodily functions would be okay to discuss like civilized adults instead of making everything “naughty,” and “off-limits.” Remember when they first revolutionized security in airports and all the backlash over having the imager that could “see you naked?” Isn’t it better to be safe than to worry about people seeing you naked? I think if you have tampons in your little plastic bag, GOOD FOR YOU! You’re a grown, adult woman who takes care of herself in a hygienic fashion. Honestly, we are so backwards sometime!

  2. I remember being so embarrassed when I got my period the first time that I didn’t even tell my own mother. I always thought it had something to do with being the youngest of 6, and the only girl to boot, but now I know that this was one of many topics that were ‘just’ not openly discussed in our house, because it was private.

    Fast forward a decade, and I now have tampons falling out of my purse almost every time I try to retrieve something from it (my purse is such a mess…). I no longer care if people notice or not. I’m a woman, it shouldn’t exactly be a huge surprise that I need them occasionally! Still, it took me a long time to get to this point.

    My 6-year-old boy and 3-year-old girl know exactly what they are for, and my son has since then copied his dad and sticking one up his nose when it’s bleeding… Whatever works, right?

    Thank you for this post!

    1. Thank you for reading and for sharing your personal experience! Stuff like that wasn’t discussed in my house either, so I actually didn’t realize I had gotten my first period when I had. And yes, whatever works! 🙂

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