Disorderly Chickadee’s post about Mid-Life Friendships was thought-provoking for me, since I’m on the brink of turning 30.

I’ve spent most of my 20s in Kansas, away from my close friends in Massachusetts. I’ve missed countless drink rounds, Karaoke nights and midnight Dunkin’ Donut runs with my besties. Now we’re too old for that stuff.

My husband and I are planning to move from Kansas to the Boston area shortly after my 30th birthday this May. We’ll be closer to our best friends- which is great, but I know things won’t be the same. There are many reasons why we won’t be able to get together as often as we’d like, including kids, master’s degrees, working long hours to pay the mortgage, or long distance job opportunities.

Can you other 30-somethings relate? Have you and your friends grown apart in your 30s? If not, what do you do to maintain your friendships?

Disorderly Chickadee

A friend – inasmuch as we’ve had dinner together once and been following one another on Twitter for about 5 years – tweeted a link to a NYT article about making friends in your 30’s onward some time ago. I identified all too well. In general, 30-somethings just run out of the kind of close friends that we really do rely upon, if we don’t pay attention to “restocking” our supply.

Unlike the study reported in the Times, I haven’t grown closer to the few friends I’ve retained. I barely keep in contact because I refuse to subject myself to Facebook, which is apparently the only way that anyone wants to exchange information anymore. Facebook is stressful to me and makes me anxious and paranoid, but opting out means I’m continually left out. Out of sight, out of mind. Well, except for one BFF who actually sent me an email…

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6 thoughts on “”

  1. I can relate even only living 45 minutes-ish away from a lot of close friends, it is really hard. You pretty much summed it up with the “kids, masters degrees, long distnace job opportunities, and working long hours” description. To no one’s fault it just seems harder to keep in touch and maintain close relationships on top of that. However I am looking forward to a reunion when you move back this year, plenty of metaphors for life, and because I will never be too old for galavanting- a few midnight Dunks runs too 🙂

  2. I moved a couple of times. Found some friends in Facebook but none of it is the same. I have kids, a boyfriend, work but yet even when do have time I either too tired to go out or they are busy when I’m free. Sometimes theybjust forge I’m around. Oh well. I have a few close friends that I can really count on and that’s what matters to me. Good luck with your move!

  3. All my pals from my MS moved to Silicon Valley, and I moved to the Northeast. My friends from the PhD pretty much vanish off the face of the planet when they get a job because the job demands are so high they can’t afford to keep in touch with anyone. It’s a brutal line of work.

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